So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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