So drunk its hurt
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
