its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
