Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
