my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
