i just sent this text using only my big toe
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize