A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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