i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
