please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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