Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
