he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
The air taste purple.
Randomize
