dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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