So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Rumble strips road head = magical
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
