I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
