Need sex. Gaining weight.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
