i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
