He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
