dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize