I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
