Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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