if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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