That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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