mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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