drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
