can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
