you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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