so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
