I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Life is so much better after having sex.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
