dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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