i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
