Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize