I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
