I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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