I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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