But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
