I hate all girls vehemently.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize