Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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