I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
the day after is always just damage control
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Randomize
