Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
