there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
