i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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