i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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