im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jger and an empty bed here Friday.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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