Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
