dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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