we made out on top of his cat.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
