the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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