you traded sex for a burrito?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize