idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
