goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
