I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
They have beer where we have blood.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
