Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
