Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize