Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
