I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
