dude i'm inner monologue high
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Randomize
