Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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