areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
ttyl tear gas
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
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