Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
