There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
