so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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