My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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