Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
lol hangovers are for mortals.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
