We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
