i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
